When you’re full of grief, dealing with ongoing health issues, or in a dark place, you want help. You need help. I remember needing help for the basic things in life. At times, I needed my husband’s help to walk very far. I needed help with basic household chores. I needed lots of help. I still need help. I need help with the pain today. I need help cleaning my kitchen. I need help getting it all done.
I remember at one of my lowest points physically, I was crying and telling the Lord I just couldn’t do it. I needed help! We were on deputation, I was sick, I was dealing with the miscarriages (and not dealing very well at that point), and I just couldn’t do it. My amazing husband was calling and emailing pastors to set up meetings, studying and preparing for those meetings, preaching, presenting our work to Africa, and carrying most of “my” load as well. He helped clean missions apartments when we left, loaded the van, helped me with whatever I couldn’t do, and encouraged and cheered me on when I was overwhelmed, and did all the driving between meetings. But I still needed help. I needed help making it through our next meeting and lunch/dinner with the pastor. I needed help to smile and be engaged with them when my heart was breaking and I just wanted to crawl back into bed. I needed help packing up and driving to the next place to do it all again. Don’t get me wrong. I loved deputation, but it was physically very difficult, and I was on an emotional roller coaster with the thrill of each pregnancy, and the anguish of each miscarriage.
I needed help when people joked that we couldn’t be “real missionaries” because we didn’t have children. I needed help when people told us deputation was easier for us because we weren’t doing it with small children. In those cases, I needed help in the form of the Lord’s hand over my mouth, and help not bursting into tears in front of them. I needed help to keep smiling and be gracious. I needed a lot of help.
It doesn’t matter what your struggle is, we all need help. You may need different help than I did, but we both need help. And I found that help was ever-present. “My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.” I will be honest here, I didn’t always want His help. I sometimes just simply wanted my own way. I wanted Him to take the pain and sickness away and give me my children. Was that too much to ask? He is God. He can do anything. So why wouldn’t He just do these two simple things? But when I was ready to stop clinging to wanting things my way, and accept the help He wanted to give, I found He was all I needed. No, I didn’t suddenly have more energy and less pain. I still can’t keep my house clean and keep up with Bible studies and other ministry. And I don’t have children in my home. But I have His help. I have the strength for what God wants me to accomplish today. I have peace in the midst of frustration. I have joy in the midst of my sorrow. He is my help…and He truly is all I need.
I would never have chosen this path I’m walking. I had other hopes, plans, and dreams for my life. (They included good health and lots of children!) But I have learned that even when God gives me what I would not choose, it is good. I am learning that even when it hurts, it’s best. I know that even when it’s the exact opposite of what my heart yearns for, He doeth all things well. I can trust Him and He will help me through. That help may not look like what I wanted or expected, but it will be what I need. I have grown in ways I didn’t even realize i needed to grow. I have learned so much.
If you are struggling today, lift up your eyes. Look to Jesus for the help you need. It may not be the help you want, but He will give you all you need for today. Be willing to turn loose of your agenda, and your demands, even your desires, and accept the help your Father wants to give you.