We hear lies every day. The enemy throws them at us with unbelievable speed. I am convinced these lies are part of his arsenal of “fiery darts” that we read about in Ephesians. The sad part isn’t that the enemy lies, the sad part is how often we believe those lies.
This month I was sure I was pregnant again. This would have been so amazing for so many reasons. I’m 46, and I haven’t been pregnant in well over a year. I was going to tell Rob I was pregnant on our Anniversary, and the baby would have been due around Father’s Day. I even made him a special card. It all seemed so perfect that I didn’t mind the crushing fatigue, nausea, and dizziness. But I wasn’t pregnant.
I did not expect the overwhelming disappointment, hurt, and even anger that swept over me. I had given this to the Lord, and I was okay with Him not giving us children to hold. It was hard, but I was at peace, and I had joy. But I had allowed myself to hope again. I wish I could say I handled it with grace. I didn’t. It was a very rough night. I cried. I told God exactly what I thought. I cried. I told Rob I had some serious questions for God when we get to Heaven. I cried some more. Then I started speaking the truths I knew aloud.
I Chose Truth
I told God I didn’t understand why He gave children to those who would hurt, abandon, and abuse them, but withhold them from us, but I trusted Him. I didn’t feel loved in that moment, but I knew He loved me. I didn’t even like His choices, but I knew they were good, because they came from Him…and He always does right. These were not things I felt, but things I knew to be true. The enemy was throwing lies at lightening speed. I had a choice. I could believe him (and my own deceitful heart), or I could choose to believe what I knew (but didn’t feel) to be true. I chose truth. Not because it was easy, but because I knew it was right. And because I knew it was the only path to having peace and joy. By morning, peace and joy had returned.
This sounds like it was an easy and quick battle. Maybe it was pretty quick, but it wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t my first time on this battlefield. I had been here before, and I was defeated here more than once. That defeat was not pretty, and I didn’t want to go there again. The results of defeat on this battlefield is bitterness and anger. It paralyzes. It crushes. It destroys. I wasn’t willing to live like that again.
Choose You This Day
Today you have a choice. When it looks like God has forgotten, forsaken, and crushed you, you can choose to believe lies or truth. Truth brings freedom. Truth brings peace. Truth brings joy, even in the midst of pain. What will you choose today? Will you believe the enemy’s lies, or will you believe God’s truth?